As was previously stated, I shower a little bit less frequently here than in the states. I know some of you may think this is gross, but there's been times I've come back from the shower feeling dirtier.
It seems that whenever I muster the effort to travel to the converted shower trailer, I always run into the local population. I guess the showers are open to the public (or anybody that can access the base) because they are always there washing there god damn feet in the sink.According to Islam (we will be picking the Sunni brand for this example) Muslims are required to bathe before being in the presence of Allah . So, to not make their God angry, they "make wudu" and do the following things:
- First make Niyyah (Intension) saying Bismillahir rahmanir rahim (In the name of Allah the most Merciful, the most Kind); then wash both hands up to the wrists three times making sure that water has reached between the fingers.
- Next, put a handful of water into the month and rince it thoroughly three times
- After this sniff water into the nostrils three times to clean them and then wash the tip of the nose.
- Wash the face three times from right ear to left and from forehead to throat.
- Wash the right arm and then left arm thoroughly from wrist to elbow three times.
- Then move the wet palms of both hands over head, starting from the top of the forehead to the back of the head.
- Then pass the wet tips of index fingers into the grooves and holes of both ears and also pass the wet thumbs behind the ears.
- Next pass the backs of wet hands over the nape.
- Finally, wash both feet to the ankles starting from the right foot making sure the water has reached between the toes and all other parts of the feet.
If you were able to read these ridiculous instructions, I'm impressed. If I had to do this shit, there better be some detailed instructional videos with celebrities. In fact, if these videos don't exist, they definitely should! Seems like a sound investment to me. Who's in?
The sounds coming from these showers are frightening. I've never heard a person do so many snot rockets in such a small enclosed space. Their nasal passages may be finally clear, but I'm pretty sure they sprayed the entire shower enclosure with their fucking mucus. I'm certain my shower flip flops won't protect me from the drip, drip, drip of bodily fluids.
The sounds coming from these showers are frightening. I've never heard a person do so many snot rockets in such a small enclosed space. Their nasal passages may be finally clear, but I'm pretty sure they sprayed the entire shower enclosure with their fucking mucus. I'm certain my shower flip flops won't protect me from the drip, drip, drip of bodily fluids.
Can't wait to shower next time!
Alayhis Salaam,
-Danny
Sounds lovely - I'm super jello of all your ammenities. I've heard of breakfast in bed, but breakfast in the toilet (e.g., bacon)?? -- I'm impressed! Just remember to keep your feet on the ground amongst all of the luxury.
ReplyDeleteAll kidding aside, hang in there and let me know if I can send you anything! Enjoy reading the blog...
In Zoroastrianism, which is Afghanistan’s primary (and really, only) claim to an originary intellectual heritage, both water and fire are agents of ritual purity. So tell them if they want to be true to their heritage, that they should likewise apply that other element to their bodies as step 10.
ReplyDeleteI’m glad to hear you are walking about unfettered by the convention of the daily shower, your natural pheromones projecting their will into the world and force bystanders to ask ‘who is causing this total usurpation of my consciousness’ – to let your presence and the mystery of your being be unambiguously felt as one and the same: the Odor as Riddle. But your transcendence-within-the-world has only just begun. Your are hopping amidst the folk of no-ankles, but you are not yet floating . Our neural pathways have evolved to the point where a smell no longer directly goes to the primitive brain regions controlling emotions, but take many steps to get there (half the genes that make up our 1.5% difference between chimps solely code for the dampening of our sense of smell). Thus, to strike fear and awe in others, you must evolve a new strategy; you must take your shamelessness of the body even further, i.e. masturbate in public.