Why did the camel come to America?

I heard an interesting story the other day that might just be Afghan post office urban legend or the actual truth. It's hard to tell these days, especially with the story I'm about to regale you with. After all, there are so many imbeciles in the world that might have actually done this...

A group of guys decided to ship a conex container to the states. What was the cargo? A live camel. It took around 5 months from its depature point somewhere in the Middle East to cross half the world and arrive at its destination somewhere in the US. What was left inside, you ask? Well it wasn't cute, cuddly camel babies, just the rotting remains of the dumbest idea I've ever heard.

-Danny

Chugging Beer...

Thought we would amuse ourselves by shotgunning some beer of the non-alcoholic variety. It got pretty messy but I still wanted to keep my speed for my return.

Cheers,

-Danny

In the beginning, we were all gingers.

The other day I went to the PX to get a few necessities all of which were not in stock. To ensure that my walk there wasn't completely in vain, I did some browsing. I did find a gem that taught me a few things about astronomy, geology and human evolution (or lack thereof).

On the 7th day God created the United States of America and took pride in his remarkable achievement. But, instead of immediately putting humans on it, he decided to put them in Africa and wait hundreds of thousands of years until waves of peoples migrated to the Americas who would then be slaughtered on a biblical scale to finally make way for its true potential to eventually become the present-day United States. Also, in the beginning all humans were gingers with long flowing hair that were in remarkable shape and completely freckle-less. 

God bless you.

-Danny

TGIT - Man-Love Thursday's

When I first arrived in BAF (Bagram Airfield) I kept on hearing talk of "Man-Love Thursdays." I wasn't sure if this was a real day that the Pashtun men celebrated or just an unsubstantiated rumor. After doing some research on the interwebs, it appears that Man-Love Thursday is indeed a reality.

Basically, before the Muslim holy day (Friday) the men are free to pleasure themselves with other men. Like myself, I'm sure you are wondering how they reconcile their actions with their religious teachings. Pashtun men interpret the Islamic prohibition on homosexuality to mean they cannot "love" another man -- but that doesn't mean they can't use men for "sexual gratification."

Mahmoud: "Listen Mohammad, Thursdays have been great. You really know how to pleasure a guy, it's just that, well, you're starting to turn this into something that it's not.

Mohammad: But...my love...

Mahmoud: Dammit, Mohammad! I'm Serious! Remember, we only do this on Thursdays, otherwise, the other guys in the village are gonna start to ask questions and think we're gay. And if that happens they're literally gonna have our heads on a stick. Remember what happened to Omar? Let's keep things casual.

Mohammad: If I can only have you Thursdays, so be it. Every day I will wait for you. No other man may have me.

This really opens up a sequel to Brokeback Mountain. They'll probably end up casting Jake Gyllenhaal for the part of Mohammad. He obviously knows how to play the part of a Persian as evidenced by his latest movie.

These guys think that they have outsmarted Allah, their omnipotent, omnipresent, all-powerful man in the sky with a loophole! Thank Allah for loopholes! All holes, really, especially the male ones. They don't think their non-love-making labels them homosexuals. I'd be happy to let them live with their denial and hypocrisy if it wasn't for the fact that they are using their interpretations of their holy book to molest children. Don't be surprised. Religion and child rape are like peas and carrots.

There's a saying here in Afghanistan:: "Women are for children, boys are for pleasure."

WTF.

Happy Man-Love Thursday.

Note: When I googled "homosexuality" and "Afghanistan" all I got were hits about the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." The only site that had any insight on Afghan sexuality was on the Fox News site, so don't hate. Here it is. It's actually a pretty interesting piece.

-Danny

It's been a while...

You guys know that amazing Staind song, "It's been a while"? Well, it's been a while.

So, I'm sure you're wondering what's happened since my last entry, and if you haven't, I have no use for you as a friend. Here's a rundown of the last couple weeks:

1. I finally experienced the blue back-splash from the porta-john. Never again.
2. Due to Item 1, I thought of several porta-john related inventions to prevent blue back-splash and make the time in there a little more comfortable.
3. I noticed that the University of Maryland - Europe (isn't this Asia?) offers college courses here. Decided to see what course offerings they provided -  GWRIT 103 - Greek and Roman Mythology. Appropriate material....if I were in Greece or Italy for a summer abroad. Not sure how my knowledge of Hermes/Mercury and Zeus is going to help me kill insurgents.
4. Porta-johns have become a breeding ground for graffiti. And by graffiti, I mean abstract renditions of male genitalia. With all the dudes on base, you'd think that somebody might decide to go with the female variety. Has this always been the case since the dawn of mankind? Were cavemen also drawing penises on the walls of their cave dwellings?
5. The facial hair is getting a little out of control but I'll let it do so for comic relief.
6. I smoked some Cuban cigars (see picture).

Dirty Herat Water

This morning I arrived at work at my normal time (around 4:00 A.M) and started rummaging around the office for some water to drink. I picked up the water bottle that I thought was mine and took a big gulp.

It wasn't water. It was straight vodka. I though about spitting it out for just a split second but how often is one presented with alcohol in this environment? Needless to say, I let it pass through my esophagus, uninterrupted.

Cheers,

-Danny