Remember when former President George W labeled Iraq, Iran, and North Korea the Axis of Evil? (muahahaha!) Well, since Iraq seems to have lost its evil swagger, I got a perfect substitute covering an entire species of animal - Chimpanzees.
Unfortunately for these unlucky primates, they have officially been placed on my shit list after reading an article stating that "monkey soldiers are being turned into snipers at a secret Taliban training base and are in turn being rewarded with 'bananas and peanuts."
You've read that correctly, folks. The Taliban are tired of dying for Allah and entering paradise with 72 virgins, so they are going to let their primate cousins continue to wage their Islamic war on the West.
I think these Taliban leaders have watched too many bootlegged copies of Planet of the Apes. I'm sure their understanding of science is completely warped but this kind of Ape Soldier fantasy is getting to be a little ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as a sharks with laser beams.
Do I see a future in which PETA and the U.S. military form an ungodly alliance to liberate these poor ape souls? No, I'm sure they'll just locate the base and blow the shit out of it with this brand new toy.
-Danny
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